My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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