when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
