So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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