I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
