Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
