i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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