Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
