Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
