It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
