Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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