My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
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