Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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