Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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