Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
