He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
