When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
