omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
