So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
