i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
