YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Randomize
