community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
