Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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