U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
It's Friday. Sex?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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