she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
