Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
When are your genitals available?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
