There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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