So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
