whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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