saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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