If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
she peed on how many people?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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