he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
