i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
