My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
