I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
