Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
