Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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