i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
The uberlube is also flammable
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
