Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
