Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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