when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
