i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
