??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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