...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
My penis needs a shock collar
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
