I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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