His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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