Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
