I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
