I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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