so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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