how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
