He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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