3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
